Opportunities Lost

I attended my cousin's funeral yesterday, Nov 22, 2011.  She and I had been close as children, but because my dad was in the army we, unfortunately, did not grow up together.  Of all my many cousins she, her sister and I were the closest.  I remember spending summers with the girls and their two brothers out in the country in New Castle, Pennsylvania.  We played in the barn and out among the grape arbor, romping in the huge back yard, and the fields beyond.  We picked fruit from a large cherry tree and captured butterflies and bumble bees in jars. Watched and caught lightning bugs in the summer nights.

Those were days of carefree laughter.  Later I spent time with them when I was about eighteen.  We were older and had more than picking fruit on our minds.  By this time the family had moved to a small town in Ohio and new adventures awaited us.  My uncle, their father was a Baptist preacher and we were PKs (Preacher's Kids).  We had to be on our p's and q's, but mischief is bound up in the heart of a child and it was our delight to pull pranks on their very straight laced mom, my aunt. 

Auntie was always very prim and proper, so our boisterous and rowdy sense of humor was not humorous to her.  Both we and she survived and ultimately went our separate ways.  After I married, we moved our family to Ohio to stay in my husband's home town while he was assigned duty in Germany.  This was a temporary move since we were to join him when housing for our family became available.  During that time, cousins reunited and we spent many days back and forth to each other's homes.

When I left that time, I did not see her again for over thirty years.  For some reason we did not stay in touch.  We just went our separate ways.  We would hear news via relatives, but no effort to connect was made even though we lived only 200 miles apart.

Amazingly enough the last time I saw her healthy was at a funeral... our mutual aunt, sister to her mother and mine.  We were happy and joyful to see one another, but again parted and did not stay in contact.  Enter Facebook ten years later and we friended on Facebook. 

For the first time in all those years we were connected.  We teased one another about coming to visit and tried to pull rank on who should visit whom.   She was active on Facebook; posting several times a day.  Then I noticed I did not see posts from her.  No indication of why.  I saw a request asking for prayer posted by one of her children.  I began to inquire and found out that she was ill. 

She came through and again began actively posting on Facebook.  Shortly, she again vanished from the posts, and I saw more posts requesting prayer.  In retrospect, the distance between us was so short, we could have spent many days together, but sadly, she lost her battle to stay well before we had an opportunity to visit.

As I sat there yesterday, listening to her eulogy given by two of her sons and her brother, a deep sadness filled me. One of her sons quoted from a book; a journal of questions he asked and she answered,  titled by her name and published as a small book.  These were questions asked and answered about her life... a living legacy written by her own hand.

  I did not know the woman they eulogized, but I wish I had.  I would have enjoyed her sharp wit and humor. Her love of wisdom and knowledge, politics and family. We could have sharpened one another; compared writings and enjoyed common interests.  I did not know the woman who raised her children to honor one another, who taught them to press and not give up.  The woman who raised lawyers, doctors, and educators.  Not only did I not know her, I did not know any of her ten living children.

I sat in the midst of at least a hundred people who did not know who I was, even as I did not know them although we are related.  I sat among her children and grandchildren as a stranger.  I wouldn't sit in family assigned seating; it would not have been appropriate. 

I muse and ponder the missed opportunities and allow the possibilities to play themselves out.  Regret is the most frequent visitor at funerals.  I have chosen to not allow regret to take anything else from me.

The WHO of God

Do you struggle to understand the who of God?  God is love... God is faithful... God is merciful.  We hear these words and most of us process and assimilate them on a natural level.  We know people who are loving or kind.  We know people who are trustworthy or loyal, although these are attributes of that person, they are only attributes. Those qualities make up the person, but the person does not make up those qualities. These descriptions are not adequate to sum up the person of God.

 Attribute defined: An attribute is a quality or characteristic of a person, place or thing. (noun) Intelligence, charm and a sense of humor are each an example of an attribute.

A 'loving' person can choose to love or not love, but God is love and cannot not love.  Love is His person.  A mortal person, kind as they may be, can, given the right circumstances, not be kind, but God's goodness flows to the righteous as well as the unrighteous.  Terrible things may be said about someone, and they can choose to forgive or take vengeance.  God on the other hand, is slandered and blasphemed, but He doesn't send fire down on the ones who trespass because He has already poured out His wrath on His Son.  Although we know there is a day of recompense coming, not because of vengeance, but because of rejecting His sacrifice for sin, for God is Holy.

One night my husband shared with me a word God had given him.  He said he was thanking God for being faithful, but God told him, "I AM Faithful, it is not something I do, but who I AM.  When he told me this, the words went straight to my spirit as a Rhema word.

Rhema revelation began to unfold! These are not the attributes of God, but who God is.  God is Love, not just loving!  God is Grace! God is Mercy!  Recognizing this difference was life changing for me. I looked for ways to interpret this so that I could explain what I saw... I wanted others to see Him as I now saw Him. I tried to put what I see in picture form, but it is too awesome to even attempt to draw.

 The simplest way to describe the difference between the Person of God and the attributes of God is to compare a person and the clothes that a person might wear.  When some one walks into a room, we typically size them up physically by height, gender, attractive, or not so much; color, race, and so on.  This is totally different from observing the clothes they are wearing.  Clothes are what a person puts on. The clothes are the addition to the person, all of the other mentioned specifics are the person. 

God has said that He is I AM. He is what ever we need Him to be... but He is I AM whether we need Him to be anything at all.  He just is I AM. (Ex 3:14)

In the Old Testament He manifested Himself as El Shaddai, the breasty one (Gen 17:1); Jehovah Jireh, the Lord provides (Gen 22:14); El Elyon, the Most High God (Gen 14:20); Adonai, Lord and Master (Deu 10:17).  Each name is a facet of His I AM.   Jesus spoke of Himself to Lazarus' sisters as "I AM the resurrection..."(John 11:25)  When the soldiers came to arrest Him said I AM... (John 18:6).

What I came away with is this: when I see someone named Mike walk in the door, I might see a male, 6'2", brown hair, brown eyes... When God flows into a room, love; mercy, grace, peace, joy, faithful and much more than we can imagine enters.  Someone once said, and I can concur, that in Revelation 4:8 '...and day and night they never stop saying, Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty (Omnipotent), Who was and Who is and Who is to come.', the living creatures saw a new facet of God's magnificence each time they bowed and rose up to behold Him