When I was young I was very timid. I used to imagine doing things I was too timid to attempt. I could hardly see myself even riding a bike. I was never confrontational, and frankly, I would run rather than fight.
Being the only child in a military family, I escaped many of the normal childhood rites of passage. I usually moved before too many kids knew I existed. That was both good and bad... bad because I escaped many of the hard lessons we learn as kids, and good because I escaped some of the hard lessons we learn as kids.
I remember one time when I was about nineteen, some friends and I went to an amusement park. Everyone wanted to ride the Bumper Cars, everyone but me. I was afraid of getting into a bumper car alone. I remember all of my friends each scrambling to get into a car, and I was standing on the floor looking terrified and desperate. Every time I tried to jump into one of their cars, I was rejected. I finally forced myself into my date's car. He was obviously displeased and let me know in no uncertain terms. I did not seem to mind his reproof, I was safely tucked into the bumper car with him.
Father usually uses life experience analogies to teach me spiritual and life lessons. One particular time, many years later, I was disappointed because my husband did not want to attend an event with me. He kept encouraging me to go alone. "But, I don't want to go alone! I've been doing things alone all of my life!" I sulked and decided to have a pity party, inviting only me, myself and I. We had planned to take 'martyr pills ' and have 'why me' martinis when this familiar voice began to ask me some questions. The Voice asked, 'why don't you want to go to the event alone?' And then a parade of past events, and situations began to flood my memory. Time and time again, I had tried to hijack someone to drive the bumper car while I hitched a ride.
What was I afraid of? I hadn't realized that fear was lurking there, obscure, in the shadows of my sense of self. Slowly, I began to see that I was truly insecure within myself. I could come up with a laundry list of reasons why I couldn't do things on my own. My gender, my ethnicity, my education... on and on.
Father began to comfort me, but not with a "poor baby" comfort, He told me who I am based on what He created me to be. He assured me that His was the only standard with which I should measure my value. He basically said, "I have made you and you are accepted in the Beloved and I set my seal of approval on you."
Romans 8:31 says it best: So, what do you think? With God on our side like this, how can we lose? If God didn't hesitate to put everything on the line for us, embracing our condition and exposing Himself to the worst by sending His own Son, is there anything else He wouldn't gladly and freely do for us? (The Message)
So, my question for you is: Are you trying to hitch a ride through life in someone else's bumper car? Take the wheel yourself and invite Father to accompany you~
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